Be glad in the Lord and rejoice! Psalm 32:11

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Guest Post - Four Important Truths by Gary Roe, Author of "Not Quite Healed"

Today, I am so honored to be hosting a guest post by an old friend of mine, author and pastor Gary Roe.

When I say old, I mean we go way back to first grade together, and we went all the way through graduating from high school together.  We even took swimming lessons together - Gary went on to become a competitive swimmer, garnering many awards - I still sink like a stone!

Gary is one of the good guys in my book!  Smart, honorable and compassionate are the three words that leapt to mind when I think of Gary.

We reconnected a few years ago, as so many people nowadays do, via Facebook and our high school's page, and I was thrilled to find out that he was, in addition to being a hospice chaplain and pastor, Gary was also a writer.  So when he asked me to review a book that he had co-written with best-selling author Cecil Murphey, I was more than happy to help out!

Upon reading his book, "Not Quite Healed: 40 Truths For Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse," I never realized that during our childhood that Gary was going through incredible pain and suffering that he kept so private. He bravely addresses this in his book, and I'm so proud of him for doing so.

In their book, Gary, and his co-author Cecil Murphey, share 40 truths they believe will encourage abuse survivors and help them heal. I asked Gary to share a few of these truths that have been especially powerful for him. Here is his response:

Four Important Truths
By Gary Roe
co-author of "Not Quite Healed: Forty Truths for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse"

I’m not alone

Intellectually I know I’m not alone, but the repetitive abuse started a chain reaction that caused a profound sense of isolation. I felt worthless, damaged, and different from other people.

Relief came when I finally talked about what happened. Over time I learned when, how, and with whom to share (these are huge topics in themselves) and along the way others have looked me in the eye and said, "Me too."

As I meet other survivors, I feel less alone. With one in three women and a comparable number of men sexually abused before for the age of 18, imagine the healing that could occur if we spoke out and found each other!

It wasn’t my fault

The abusers were older and more powerful. Resistance was futile, yet I was sure I had caused it. There had to be something wrong with me. I was bad.

This lie lodged itself in my heart and influenced me greatly. I became a rabid overachiever who worked frantically to prove my worth and justify my existence. If anything went wrong, I assumed it was my fault.
Freedom came when I accepted I had nothing to do with the abuse. I was the child, and should’ve been protected. I wasn’t bad, but something bad had happened to me. I was able to place the blame where it belonged with the perpetrators.

I can heal

I often felt stuck. When life was going well, anxiety and fear would descend and slap me backward. On the outside I looked very successful, but internally I was a wreck. It was the abuse buried deep inside creating all that havoc. Once I accepted what happened and began to address the lies I believed, healing occurred.

I’m not stuck because I don’t have to play the victim anymore. I can heal.

God can turn this around and use it for good

When powerful flashbacks hit in my mid-forties, I knew the abuse wasn’t going to go away. I had to meet it and feel my way through the pain.

As I contemplated the ugliness ahead, I asked God to make me into a warrior against sexual abuse. I think this is exactly what he is doing and Not Quite Healed is one of the results. God is an expert at turning evil on its head and using it for good.

healed cvr 3.indd

{More about Not Quite Healed}

40 Truths for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse
How are sexual abuse survivors to overcome the challenges they are sure to face? Finding strength in community with other survivors is one key to recovery. In Not Quite Healed, co-written with Gary Roe, two survivors join forces to share insight and encouragement on the issues that challenge them most. After a candid discussion about each issue, the authors provide a self-affirming statement that men can study, memorize, and recite on their darkest days.
Purchase a copy here.

My Thoughts:

This is a powerful book about a difficult subject, but authors Gary Roe and Cecil Murphey guide readers through the seas of uncertainty and doubt with wisdom and grace.  This book is very intense, but also very empowering in it's message - there is hope, there is peace.

About The Author:

Gary Roe has been in full-time ministry for more than thirty years, serving as a college minister, a missionary in Japan, and a pastor in Texas and Washington. He currently works as a chaplain and interim pastor in central Texas. He writes a weekly newspaper column and is coauthor (also with Cecil Murphey) of Saying Goodbye: Facing the Loss of a Loved One. He has three adopted daughters from Colombia who are also abuse survivors.

Last weekend Gary discussed Not Quite Healed on the radio. Here is a link to the podcast if you’d like to check it out: http://bit.ly/13QHqxz 

Visit Gary on the web at www.garyroe.com .

Here is also a video from Gary -

My thanks to Gary for writing such a heartfelt guest post.  Also to Litfuse Publicity for including me on this blog tour and for providing the review copy of the book. 

I was not compensated for my opinion.

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...


THANKS for stopping by my blog earlier.

I do like Charles Todd's books.

I met him and his mother at the BEA last year. Mrs. Todd is lovely. Mr. Todd is funny...you wouldn't think he would be because of the mysteries he writes. :)

Silver's Reviews