Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Book Review - Related by Chance, Family by Choice: Transforming Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationships by Deb DeArmond
About The Book:
Transforming Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationships. What does it take to create true family unity between moms and the women who marry their sons?
The caricatures are everywhere, the jokes are inexhaustible, and the stereotypes fill the screens. From Marie Barone (Everyone Loves Raymond) to Viola Fields (Monster-in-Law) to Internet sites and social media pages like ihatemyinlaws.com and a Facebook page for ihatemymotherinlaw there is no shortage of examples of the caustic relationships that can develop between the two women in a man’s life.
Deb DeArmond and her three daughters-in-law have conducted their own exhaustive research into the status of the women-in-law relationship. Their research, which incorporated online surveys, interviews, and discussions, included asking about the faith factor in the relationships they studied. Of the respondents, nearly 90 percent claimed they were Christians, and 79 percent said their faith was foundational and guided their actions and decisions. As discouraging as it may be, the numbers of those they surveyed who reported that their women-in-law relationships were “bad” were nearly identical to those in a survey conducted by a popular secular website that recorded no statistics on faith.
Beyond the statistics and their analysis, Deb brings to this book more than thirty years working with adults to improve communications and deal constructively with conflict. Aside from her research and her professional expertise, perhaps the most important asset Deb brings to this work is her own relationship with her three daughters-in-law that is so obviously and unusually positive that she—and they—are often asked to explain the secret of the relationships they share.
This practical and unapologetically scriptural book covers issues of personal perceptions, strained communication, the roles of sons and fathers in the relationship’s success, how to begin these relationships on the right foot, and the necessity of trust and love. Deb’s one motivating objective is to help women-in-law move from women who are simply related to strong and confident members of a truly spiritual family.
Purchase a copy here.
I adore my mother-in-law and consider her one of my dearest friends, so when I hear horror stories about other women and their MIL's, I just shake my head and try to understand. I consider myself blessed to have such a lovely and loving lady like Nell Chance in my life as the mother of my husband.
Now, this fall, I have become a mother-in-law, and I couldn't have asked for a more charming and sweet daughter-in-law than our beloved Maggie Chance. I think that she and I have a good relationship and recently spent time together decorating the family Christmas tree and had a blast! I consider my son Coleman so blessed to have this wonderful girl in his life, and in our life in turn.
That being said, I was very interested in author Deb DeArmond's book, "Related by Chance, Family by Choice." (I loved the title "Related by Chance" - as our last name is Chance!) I found the stories and advice that DeArmond and her daughters share in this book to be full of wisdom, and probably most importantly, common sense advice for mothers, daughters, and women-in-law.
DeArmond uses the biblical story of Ruth and Naomi as the focal example of an ideal in-law relationship throughout the book, including in the study guides that follow each chapter with a "What Would Ruth and Naomi Do?" type of thought provoking conversation starter. She also includes real-life examples of good and bad relationships, and stories from her own relationships with her three daughters-in-laws. And, DeArmond includes her DILs' in the mix with a chapter devoted to their thoughts and stories about their relationship with their mother-in-love, as they call DeArmond.
"Related By Chance, Family By Choice" is a faith-based, highly spiritual book that will change the lives of those who need the advice and wisdom contained within these pages.
I highly recommend this book to those girls about to be married, those moms whose sons are about to bring someone new into the family, and to anyone who has had a difficult relationship with their in-laws.
About The Author:
Deb DeArmond has owned her own leadership training and executive coaching practice for fifteen years. She is an experienced speaker and writer with work appearing in "WHOA" Magazine and "Dallas Family" Magazine and a cofounder of mypurposenow.org—an online community for Christian women 50+. Deb and her husband, Ron, have three married sons and three grandchildren, and live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.
Learn more at Deb’s website.
My thanks to Litfuse Publicity Group for providing the review copy of this book. I was not compensated for my opinion.